I’m Perfect

This is a picture of me when I felt like having my picture taken. Sometimes the Momma Human will try to get me in a picture and I will squish out of it. Or I will show the Momma Human my “impolite” (as she calls it) side. I love to clean myself when she has that camera in her hands.

The Momma Human and Big Brother Human like to talk about when I first came to live with them and how I was teeny. I was. I didn’t even weigh 4 lbs and they brought me to this strange place without my other 5 brothers and sisters!!!!!!!! It was scary!!!!!!!!!

I had a room all to myself for the first week. I found a cool place to hide in the corner of the bookcase and a wall. I wouldn’t come out unless they wiggled a mouse thing in front of my eyes. This wasn’t fair but I was to young to know. I would come out then but if they got too close, I would hiss. I hissed a lot for my first week. I will still hiss if they push me too far. The vet says I have something called Catitude. I quit seeing him. Let him treat those weird dogs – he doesn’t need to stick a thermometer in my “impolite” side. He can get a bigger thermometer and stick it to the dogs.

Sometimes I drive Big Brother Human crazy. He has a warm room with a heater in it placed in front of my bed. I can sit lay in my bed and stay warm. But sometimes, I’d like to go in and out when I want. Since the stupid person has to keep his door shut, I have to tell him to let me out. Then he gets sniffy with me. Jeez that annoys me so I’ll wait until the Momma Human comes upstairs and get her to let me back in. I can play that game all night.

Sometimes in the morning, with the door still being shut, I want to get into Big Brother Human’s room. I cannot open the door on my own, but I can throw myself against it and make an unholy racket. I also howl. We do not call that meowing because it isn’t. It is actual howling that sounds like I’m being brutally attacked. It always get the Momma Human off her butt and up the stairs to see what’s wrong with me. She’s fallen for it a couple of times …… she thinks she’s smart now she’s figured it out.

For some idiotic reason she calls me Boops. I don’t get it. My name is Margaret. I prefer my whole name be used. I am not sure what she means by Boops and sometimes she shortens it to Boopy. Dear God that I should have to own a woman who calls people Boopy????????? Can you not see that this is abuse???????

Now most of the time the Momma Human and I get along well. She has learned that I will not sit on her lap, although I did sit on my Daddy Human’s lap. He’s not here anymore. He did that thing called die and now I’m stuck with these two. Daddy Human just let me be me and I loved sitting on his lap and taking his chair when he would get up. We listened to music together when I was little. Now when I hear classical music, it reminds me of Daddy Human and I sit up and listen to it, like he taught me.

I sleep with the old girl, I mean the Momma Human. She gets lonely at night, I’m sure so I get as close to her as I can and we go to sleep. She does wiggle around a lot and that can get me pissed, but I fall back to sleep right away and I have to forgive the fact that she wiggles. I think she’s weird.

When they want to play with me, they always forget that I have teeth and claws and act horrified if I use them. Let me ask you this. If you were 9 lbs and something that was much larger (ahem) decided to play around, wouldn’t you use your claws and teeth???????????????

The humans forgot that I had another name at the Shelter. It was Snap. My sisters were Crackle and Pop. I think the humans would have loved being crackled and popped at better than being snapped at, but hey, she picked me out. She said I was perfect. And I am. I am the most perfect owner this house has ever had. Remember that next time you call me Boops.

 

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