I have mood swings. They don’t come and go within a couple of weeks, more like 1/2 a year. I’m not as bouncy, enthusiastic and happy from March to September as I am from September to March. I seem to get an influx of energy after we go back to standard time. It is weird. It has always been weird.
I used to think it was the thrill of going back to school, both as a teenager and then at University. But after I stopped going back to school, the renewal of energy kept happening – every October 1st like clockwork.
I’m on the high side of enthusiasm and contentment now. Those of you who’ve followed me for a while will remember the posts when I was on the low side of enthusiasm and contentment. Those are times when I seriously would like to get out of my mind and just go away for a while.
Meditating, chanting the Name, reading Vashistha’s Yoga, the Bhagavad Gita and spending time with my fabrics and yarns, keeps me in the place I need to be. I will see in March if I can still stay in the place I need to be. Depression is nasty, both for me and anyone else around me. I get cynical. I get existential. I decide Kafka had the right ideas. I shrug and say “What does it matter?”, a lot. I don’t like being in that place and I don’t want to go back.
In 2017 I’m going to renew my decisions to stay in the present, meditate not only when I feel good, but when I don’t. To take it easier on myself and not be so judgmental. It is not the spring that renews me, I do not blossom in the spring. I renew in the fall and winter. Maybe that is because I was a winter baby, my first breathes were breathed in the cold. I had to be kept warm with blankets and snuggles. Maybe that’s why I’m a hot-house flower.
As I watch 2016 head into the past, I’m in a place where I look forward to the events of 2017 and see them with wonder and awe. I will have a happy year, praying that I don’t fall into the anti-renewal of spring.