Primal Scream


This makes me scream. Warning, I’m going to get graphic here. I’ve had it.

Years ago, over 20 years ago, some idiot put poison or ground glass or something like that in Tylenol. I can’t even remember what it was and I’m too lazy to Google it. Feel free to do that.

Tylenol had to recall all its products and institute some kind of reparations I think. Anyway we now have the idiot who put stuff in the Tylenol to thank for the fact that I cannot open anything on my own.

I just opened a bottle of Vitamin D. Now I need those things because 1) I’m old 2) I need my bones 3) the doctor told me to take them.

After I got the lid off that was hermetically sealed with plastic, I found a seal on the bottle. It had a minuscule little tab thingie to pull on. I did that. Inside that was a wad of cotton. The bottle is so small digging out the cotton is a bitch. And parts of it break off, leaving cotton in the bottle.

Every time I want to cook something I am faced with a problem. My son lives with me and like any man, he can open a bottle/jar/bag without any problems. Trouble is I have to find him, cajole him into doing it and listen to his rare bitches. He does bitch if I’m interrupting him sometimes.

I used to be able to rip bags of seasoning that come with rice pilaf. No more. The bags of Lipton Onion Soup I could rip. Not now. Even cereal is in a bag that Hercules would have trouble opening without having cereal explode all over the counter and floor. Which means I get to sweep AGAIN.

The most useful kitchen tools I have are two pair of scissors. I stole one from under a not-to-be-named PIA from my Dad’s house. They cut everything although you have to aim the blade just so so. The others are my old sewing scissors my late husband decided to screw up so they won’t cut threads, but they will cut paper. If I did not have those scissors I would be in the loony bin. Truly.

I try to line up the jars to be opened each day. That way if I get bitched at, it’s only once. 😃