The way I write about food I cook, you’d think everything I make is totally delicious and edible. This is a fallacy. You would not believe the number of bombs that have hit my table. Seriously. Cooking is dangerous.
I remember, a few decades ago, spending the whole day making moussaka. It’s supposed to be made with eggplant (yuck) and lamb (double yuck – babies?) and a custard sauce. I used a recipe from about the only cookbook I had. It was The Pillsbury Family Cookbook with nutritional information for each recipe!!!!!! I received it as a wedding present 37 years ago.
That recipe had been Americanized. I used ground beef, not sure what I put in for the eggplant and a custard sauce seasoned with cinnamon. My husband returned from work, he fed the baby with the required meat food from a Gerber bottle nicely warmed up – the baby ate HIS food.
We sat down to a dinner I had slaved over for the whole day. We each took one bite, spit it out and threw it out. We had scrambled eggs for supper. Phew that stuff was horrible!
Not to be outdone, back in 1990 I decided the family was going to be vegetarian. Do you wonder that my poor husband just ate what was given to him and said nothing. Well I’m mean, that’s why. Anyway, poor man. I decided not only to be vegetarian, but macrobiotic. Macrobiotic diets have a whole set of restrictions, the basic one I can remember is no tomatoes or other deadly nightshade veggies. Potatoes are banned too as are mushrooms, peppers and a few other things.
My husband loved cabbage rolls. It was his favorite meal and we had to travel several miles in bumper to bumper traffic to get to an area in Detroit metro to get them. I decided that since I couldn’t make meat cabbage rolls, I would adapt the recipe. I filled them with kasha, otherwise known as buckwheat. Yes yes buckwheat as in pancakes only chunkier. Bombo!!!!!!! Nobody ate that. My poor 10-year-old son walked away from the table and grabbed an apple. My husband looked at it, looked at me and asked if there was any cornflakes. The go to food during my experimentation was cornflakes. Nutritional, don’t you think?
Then, one lovely day, I came across a recipe for walnut balls in a béchamel sauce. That didn’t go down either.
Pretty soon I was down to just cooking Archer-Daniels Midland’s version of a veggie burger. It was in a foil pouch and you mixed it with water and it would grow. Then you could shape it into burgers and fry it. They ate that – grudgingly. It was god-awful.
Since those days I haven’t experimented quite as much, but I still pull some baddos. Like using a peanut butter laced sauce for tofu and veggies over rice. Whoa. That was bad.
The other night I made gingerbread and a butter sauce. No way I could screw that up, right? Wrong!!!!!!!! I forgot to put in the baking soda so the gingerbread was hard as a rock. Luckily the butter sauce soaked through it all like a champ. I can eat butter sauce every night of the week – if I wanted to die young, that is.
Would you like the recipe for my Fiesta Beans and Rice? No? Okay………..