Today would be my husband’s 77th birthday were he only alive to see it. I’ve kind of ignored the fact that today would come ……. maybe hoping it would just go by me and I wouldn’t think or anything.
However, after my son’s birthday in September, there was no getting away from it. DS and DH celebrated birthdays 3 weeks apart. And Mom’s birthday is the 23rd and our anniversary is November and so is Dad’s birthday – and then comes December. The anniversary dates of the deaths of my father and husband. They both had to die in December???????? Honestly, how rude of them.
And then my birthday …… are we still celebrating that? Yes. Just shopping wise, as per usual. All those sales, ya know.
But today came and weirdly enough, I’m not sad. Hubby and I had a bit of a talk this morning and he smiled and let me know he is okay. Odd dreams – but I’ve always known that when someone “on the other side” visits me, it is a visit. Mom used to visit me all the time, until Dad died. Then I dreamed about her after Dad’s death. She was on a park bench and I sat down with her. She patted my face and told me I did well. I had always dreamt of her before that as very sick, although she would tell me she wasn’t sick at all. After Poppa’s death, she wasn’t sick any longer. A couple of days ago I dreamed about Mom. We were talking about cleaning house and how she used to make us clean on Saturday mornings. She drove us nuts. If we didn’t get up early enough for her, the vacuum cleaner would be turned on in front of our door! We got up. Mom was laughing in my dream ………. she never laughed much when she was here.
So I’m not unhappy today. I’m okay. I’m okay because I did what I had to do to take care of my husband and I know it was time for him to go. And he’s much better off now – I know he can talk, walk, eat, run (like he used to), listen to music and do all those things he wasn’t able to do the last 4 years of his life here on Earth. He’s fine. And I am too.