Ode to Grocery Store Denizens

photo credit totallyhistory.com
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You were in my grocery store today. You ran all over the store like frightened ants with your only purpose being to get in front of whoever you saw. You had no plan.

You ordered two slices of six different meats from the deli. I was impressed – I’ve never seen anyone do that before. You even had to educate the meat lady on how thick to slice it. I was even more impressed. I just wonder how long two slices of meat will last? Will you be portioning it out over a week? So you slice those two slices into seven pieces? I cannot cope with such precise sandwich making. I don’t eat meat so I don’t have to ask for two slices. I would bust the budget and buy a whole pound.

You did not “drive” your shopping cart on the right side of the aisle or the left. You darted in front of anyone (me) while I was reaching for something in the case. You gave me dirty looks. You were worse in the parking lot, but I managed to get out without running over you. I know you tried desperately to get behind my car and stay until I pulverized your mean little person. I am triumphant that I didn’t even graze you.

I am a compassionate person. I was even compassionate when you, the lady with 3 kids (can’t get a sitter?) and the cart from hell that looks like a toy car took up one entire isle. And acted like it was totally cool to do this. I couldn’t get the bread. I had to wait for you to explain to your three children that they weren’t forming a conga line so they would get into a single file and let me get by.

For those of you who tried to race me to the check-out counter, I’m sorry I refused to play the game. I couldn’t care less how long I have to stand in line as long as I can stand up. Today that was a strain.

And to the poor man who turned left in front of me – when I had the green light and was obviously going straight – since I had no turn signal on my car (don’t you wish you’d noticed that?) I’m sorry there was a cop two cars behind you when you did that. He looked like he was having fun when he turned left and chased you. So sorry you didn’t pay attention …………



4 Comments Add yours

  1. Jennifer says:

    It was SO perfect – it made the day worth it!


  2. Denise says:

    Oh, that is so good! There is never a cop car around when you need one, but this makes up for all those times.


  3. Jennifer says:

    And I love the bit about the cop chasing the guy who pulled in front of me. It made everything seem so RIGHT somehow …..


  4. Ah, one of THOSE days:/ 2 slices of ANYTHING is not enough.


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