It seems as if winter has decided to slowly drive me crazy. Or maybe not so slowly. A few days before Christmas, we had an ice storm with constant warnings about the loss of power, etc. Then the thermometer plunged so low there were warnings to start your car every two hours to make sure it would run. It felt like -35 below zero for several days. This is the worst winter I’ve spent in Maine and it has been one roller-coaster ride after another of very bad winter weather.
My driveway has at least 3 feet of snow in most places. We only shovel out a path and the back of the car. We spent hours chopping ice off of it twice the week of the ice storm. Today’s high was 51 and it has been pouring down rain all over the frozen snow and ice all day. I think I am in some weird place because the rest of the country has the god-awful cold weather we had last week and the week before.
Getting out to visit my husband is hard. And he doesn’t understand that the roads are bad, or he does and he just wants to see me anyway. I know it is hard for him being away from home and it’s hard for me too. I did get to see him yesterday, the first day since New Year’s Eve. He could hardly get up out of a chair and I hadn’t seen him have that much trouble before. His legs hurt him yesterday and he can’t communicate to me how they hurt. I don’t know if it’s muscle spasms or just aching. I mind that I don’t know. If I knew I would try to do something to alleviate his pain. It is horrible to be trapped in a mind and body that is growing rigid and stiff and to not be able to talk to tell someone what is happening. So I visit and I hope I can see where he needs help. And I pray – a lot. To the same god that gave him this disease. Makes sense.
I’m beyond sick of the weather. I can’t cope with all of the worry about things that can go wrong when I need to be somewhere else worrying about things that can go wrong. I don’t know how long he can survive with this relentless disease. I hope, for my sake, that it’s a while. For his, I’m not sure.