This is his first year away from home for many holidays. I make sure I am there for as many as possible. This past week was difficult with the ice storm and the difficulty driving. He was very glad to see me after 8 days.
We had dinner with two lady residents. One was supposed to eat with her son, but she refused to eat with him and told him to go home. (!) Then the two ladies got into an arguing contest about how much they dislike each other and how ugly they are. It was interesting, to say the least. I assured both of them that they are lovely and coached good will and peace towards all. DH laughed.
We had fun catching up and talking about other Christmases we’ve had. Being that there are 35 in all, we had plenty to talk about.
After 3 hours I returned home to celebrate Christmas with DS. We cooked our food and enjoyed it and each other’s company. We then separated for the night – him to his music and games and me to my knitting.
I thought over, as I always do, the year we’ve been through. It has been a tough one this year. The trauma associated with putting my husband into a nursing home kicked me back quite a bit. I thought I was prepared, but I wasn’t. I think I looked at the nursing home as a temporary measure, not permanent. Each time I go I detest leaving him and want to bring him home. I have been reminded that we can’t take care of him and that is the saddest thing this year. But it’s also the gladdest because now he’s settled in, he’s used to the place and he’s doing well. He doesn’t have to worry about falling on the stairs and he can rest when he needs to. It has helped the two of us left at home also and made us much less tired and grouchy. When I visit, it’s a happy time for both of us.
And then I look forward to a new year. I have my birthday right after New Year‘s and so I always look to what the year may bring. Instead of crouching in fear – which the trauma of last year promoted in me – I’m looking forward to new things, new challenges, new projects – a new year – and a new commitment to spiritual growth.