At some point I may tire of the NASA images, but not in the near future. These are so beautiful and mystical and yet REAL all at the same time.
I am feeling unbelievably content today. Good things have happened. I always feel just a tad bit of a qualm writing that because usually my life will turn around and bite me in the ass just for even thinking things are going well! Ah but I am too exuberant to hide my joy today so I will let it out, even if it does tempt fate and crashes me down.
I spoke with the administrator from Kripalu today about my application to two courses. First I will need to take Foundations of Ayurveda and then I can take the Ayurveda Lifestyle Consultant course. Along with these I will need to complete a college course in anatomy and physiology.
This is a direction I have wanted to go in for a long time. My father liked to call me a professional student. Primarily because I didn’t finish college in the 70s – what a lousy time that was to go to college! I started in 1969 just as the Viet Nam War was heating up and the demonstrations got good and earnest on campus in 1971. I worked at the registrar’s office half the day and took classes the other half. I was an A student in high school and I was a President’s Scholar at SIU because of my ACT scores. Let’s just say my college work did not hold up to those standards. Quite frankly, I was bored. Most of the classes had little relevance for me and why would they? At the age of 17 I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. I was roped into teaching because the state offered a teaching scholarship. I did not want to teach.
Whether from physiological reasons or the general pointlessness of my life at that time, I suffered from depression. I assumed that if I left school I would be less depressed. I forgot I was going to have to go home and live with my mother. We cannot even begin to speak about levels of depression once this hit me.
I managed to finish college at the age of 35. I enjoyed my last two years in school immensely as I studied at Wayne State University and I had some fantastic professors. I learned more there in a few months than I learned in my previous 35 years. I loved it.
The only catch was what to do with it? Even in 1987 you really needed an advanced degree to pursue any sort of profession. People with bachelor’s degrees were thick on the ground. And employers saw no need to pay someone more because they had taken the effort to become educated. They just wanted a warm body there following instructions. Not much education needed for that.
My life as a wife and mother intervened and I became quite comfortable doing my own thing. I had my practice as a psychic consultant and a few years later I started actively selling antique quilts, vintage fabrics and used and out of print books. I loved that too. I like to learn and I accumulated a ton of knowledge about dating quilts and their patterns. Old books were the same for me – I loved learning about them and holding a first edition was just mind-numbing. I still can remember selling one book that I will never forgive myself for selling. Sigh. It is the ones you sell …………..
Back to my interview this morning. It was a lovely talk. We discussed how I came to the concept of Ayurvedic medicine and what led me here. I explained my life. How as a child I had informed my mother that we are in hell. And how, although I was raised a protestant, I never “got” Christianity. I don’t know why, I can understand the concepts better now, but I have never gotten it from a Christian stand point. I think it’s because Christianity emphasizes the infallibility of man rather than the divinity. Christian doctrine teaches that you cannot be perfect because only God or Christ can achieve perfection. This line of thought has always left me quite cold.
We talked about my recent life as a caregiver and my freedom which is new-found but nonetheless freedom. And my decision that my time is now to accomplish whatever I can. That I’m not at all ready to pull in the lines and not cast off again. I’m not anywhere near the concept of retiring. I am near the concept of beginning.
The classes will be intense. There will be a lot of sitting and absorbing and reading and writing and exams to pass. I love learning and I am prepared to be stretched beyond my current abilities. I want to be stretched.
At the end of our conversation Brian let me know that he will be recommending to the head of the department that I be admitted. I am so looking forward to this. Now fingers are crossed that I will be able to afford it. That I can go to Kripalu and begin the next phase of my life.
Something that Brian said this morning hit me as a pure message. He explained to me that the word kripalu means compassion. I was dumbfounded. Compassion is where I live. Compassion is what I am. Compassion is my life. I knew then that somehow, the Cosmic Consciousness will make this possible for me. And I am blessed.