Back and Forth Back and Forth Back and Forth

Picture here a whirling dervish, a spinning top, a rabbit running back and forth in a cage. Then you will know what I’m on about.

Another visit to DH today went well. He does cry whenever I go see him. I wish he would stop that. I know he wants to come home and honestly, I want to bring him home. I would like to have my family back together again. I don’t want him to die somewhere else. I want him home.

So this is hard for both of us. For the first day my relief was so great I thought I would be content. No. I’ve had two weeks of rest and now I want him back again. I know it isn’t good for him. First because I can’t take care of him the way he should be. And second because I will get tired again and go through all of this again.

It is hard, after living together for 35 years, to have one of you gone. It wasn’t a perfect marriage at all, but it was ours. We’re still married of course, but it doesn’t feel right somehow. I feel as if I’ve abandoned him. I couldn’t take anymore falling though and I can’t physically clean him up anymore.

Acceptance. I now have to practice that which I write about. Accepting this change is the hardest I have had to do so far. He was so happy to get his TV today. We took DS’s TV to him and they hooked it up to the satellite. It works beautifully and DH was able to watch an old movie on TCM. I am so happy for him.

DH got to see DS today for the first time in two weeks and he was glad to see him. We will go together again on the 10th when they have the Surf and Turf Party. It will be fun for us to be together with Dad.

Sigh. If you all have any suggestions on how I can quit ferreting back and forth – let me know.



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