A Spiritual Journey in A World Where Most People Suck

Leonard Cohen

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

― Leonard Cohen

Surely some light will get in. In our world right now people are doing horrible things to people. There are those big things that everyone can see like the government and dictator of Syria killing people with the help of al-Qaeda on the other side.

There are other big things happening like in the Sudan. There is misery everywhere you look. People in Greece have to learn to live another way. People in Spain have over 25% unemployment. Governments that used to be able to gain and keep the respect of their bosses (us) now cannot.

There are little things. There are people like Edward Snowden who leave the country so he can leak information and get paid for it. I will never believe he did this out of outrage for invasion of our rights. This wasn’t a big shock. Jesus if you didn’t think they were looking at phone calls or emails, etc., you only have to think about how we could have caught the 9/11 hijackers and think about it for a minute. Over 3,000 people would still be alive and their families would not be destroyed.

Much of the above is out of our control. Some of what we do is not. I maintain that if you are peace, peace will happen. Not just praying for peace, actually being peaceful to the point that it surrounds your whole being. Being peaceful is only possible if you do not fuck over your fellow-man. If you do things mentally, literally or physically to your fellow-man then you are not peaceful. And you do not belong in my world. Don’t let the door kick you in the ass on the way out. If you stay your fucking clothes will be out of style by the time you wake up.

I don’t have time for people in general. I don’t get warm fuzzies from people. I see their need, totally driven by their ego, to be one better than me, to have more than me, to show me where I have fallen and how they didn’t fall in that particular spot.

I am peaceful. I am peace. I don’t need to buy into the irate nastiness of people I encounter – more and more of them on the internet. Case in point, I have been trying to buy things so I can resell them so I can pay my huge oil bill from last winter. We had the heat up to 60 almost all the time. Maybe once a day at 62. My husband is ill and he gets cold. I went $2500 over my budget. Which means I have to pay $2500 cash. I am working on this. I have stuff I can auction like art we’ve had for more than 35 years. Who knows what it will raise, but it is worth a shot. I can live without paintings on my walls. I will put up my quilts. I’m good with this.

I also need to fix part of my roof and my kitchen ceiling, get a new garbage disposal and fix the ceiling in the upstairs sun porch. I’m good with that. I also want to paint my home inside and out. The inside I can do. The outside is too big. It’s a really high house. So I will get estimates and hope the auction covers the painting and the oil. Funny I’m selling oil paintings to pay for painting and oil.

I’ve told you before that I am on Ebay. Such a mistake that was for me. Some people can be nice and not an issue. Most are really nasty. I just got emails that I have an unpaid item case opened on two items. Odd how I’d talked to one seller already and no problem. The other seller – I just bought the item Saturday. This is Monday. Give us a break.

So I’ve decided. Ebay hasn’t been that great for me. I have sold a few things but they have charged me more around 50% for fees. So I’m done again with Ebay. I’m so done that I’m not paying for anything either. Go off into the great night and go ahead with your unpaid item stuff. I really don’t care. I can’t be shoved around all over just because you want to shove me. When you shove me I get my Mars feet down. I can fight back. The way I fight is to do nothing. It’s nice and now I’m very relieved.

Every time I’ve sold something over the last three months, Ebay has held the money from me for three or more days after the buyer receives the item. So I don’t get access to my money which we need for groceries and other unnecessary sundries.  It makes selling – which is hard anyway because you have to give the stuff away – even harder.

What with my husband moving to the nursing home last week and me finally getting a moment to catch my breath and recognize that I miss him horribly and also that I know he needs to be there and I have so much to do – we’ll just let the unpaid item stuff stay there. I don’t need it. I only need peace.


One Comment Add yours

  1. suzie81 says:

    Fabulous post. Very moving.


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