Tomorrow I go to inspect the nursing home. I am not convinced that I can drive his scrawny ass there and leave him, but I need to check it out.
Today was a day and a half from hell. It’s always hell here on payday because there’s never enough money to shovel out of the hole last month made. Ah well – life is truly a bitch.
There is something planetary going on – I know not what but I fear it is not going to end well. I feel really electrically fried. Almost like I was plugged into a light socket. I don’t think this is just my nasty life – I think it’s more than that. It feels more like the panicky feeling I had the morning of the Boston Marathon. I was upset that day because of something that had happened the night before here with the family – but I was almost beyond panic.
This is a sinking feeling of dread. Wherever it’s coming from I wish it would go away. It distracts me.
I didn’t meditate today – which could be the problem. Sometimes I am just too pissed to let go of the anger. I need to allow it to burn out. I am now sitting at the table with DH and he’s trying to eat apple pie with his fingers 😦 and I truly don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to put him in the nursing home but I do fear I must.
Oh god I hope I get to have another day like this one soon. I am going to take my medicine and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. SSDD Same Shit Different Day.