Nearer My God to Thee

You know how a song will play in your mind and you can’t stop “hearing” it? Well my mind is playing the old hymnNearer My God to Thee.”

In my family as I was growing up – my Mom was very dedicated to her religion. She needed to be I found out later as she suffered from depression most of her life. Her depression would alternate with periods of great anger. You didn’t want to be there through any part of these two states – although I had to be.

Mom loved hymns. Rock of Ages was another favorite for her. I listened to hymns in church every Sunday from the time I was 3 until I quit going at 13. Luckily I had the choice to quit going because Mom didn’t usually give out many choices!

A couple of nights ago my husband and I watched The Titanic on TCM. This was the black and white version with Barbara Stanwyck and Clifton Webb. At the end – right before the Titanic sunk – the men on board sang Nearer My God to Thee. Watching these men knowing that they were going to die in a few moments sing a song of praise to the Lord was fascinating, It was so powerful that both my husband and I were in tears. Nothing like a good movie to bring out wonderful emotions!

Given that my husband’s emotions are blunted by his disease, it is a positive thing to see him with any emotion at all. I know his feelings are still there even though his memory is gone.

He was able to identify objects on Friday for the speech therapist. He was not able to tell her what year it is but he knows which thing is what. I’m hoping that with regular therapy he will be able to regain his communication skills again. To know what you want to say but be unable to say it is sad. The group from Gentiva Healthcare is so good for him. Each one has their own specialty and is going to work with him twice a week for a couple of weeks and then once a week.

I feel as if I am nearer to God. I know that God is right here – in my heart – just helping – waiting for me to stumble just a little and God will pick me up. I call God Brahma.

brahma

I imagine that it seems strange to some of you that I am a former WASP and now a devotee of Sri Lord Krishna. I come to Krishna because it is through that religious modality that I found God. I cannot even begin to think what my mother would say if she knew I am a Hare’ Krishna. I think at first she would be shocked and angry and then maybe if she listened to the chants she would understand. We are calling to God to come near. Nearer My God to Thee.

god

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