If you read my posts today you may have sensed my agitation. To put it mildly. Not only am I tired of some aspects of living but also I am frustrated with my projects at the moment. And as much as I love him, a sick spouse is a pain. Sorry. I should be a more compassionate caregiver. Ha. Right now he’s damn lucky he has a caregiver and this chick is ready to slap him. He is just as stubborn sick as he was well. Why can’t his personality change? Why just his memory and his inability to walk and/or talk? No it’s same old husband weaker and more dependent. Cool.
I haven’t mentioned his disease much. I think if I don’t it might go away. Chance would be ………. anyway he has Cortical Basal Degeneration. First diagnosis was Parkinson’s. I’m not sure if he has both or just the first. Doesn’t matter. Either way his brain is shrinking. And he’s losing functions right and left. Some day he won’t be able to walk or eat even. The neurologist said we’d have to feed him with a tube. None of the stuff we’ve heard has been positive. Sigh. And then there’s what to do when I work – because I have to work. Caregivers cost $8 an hour or more. And we wouldn’t qualify for any help. I think you have to be really really destitute for help – from anywhere.
So I did the only thing I could do. I went and got my iPod and I meditated. Today was a good day for Illuminating Your Heart’s Desire. Finding out what you really need and setting an intention or Sankalpa for that. So I have a Sankalpa and have had it for a while – but today I just re-set my intention. In case the Universe would like to start cooperating. Ya know – like ah get off it already.
So since we all create our own reality by what we think – here’s to a weekend of not thinking. No reality for a while thanks anyway.